you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Everything about him screamed your future.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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