I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
