he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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