I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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