Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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