This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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