The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
