you traded sex for a burrito?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
