I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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