Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
