Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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