Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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