So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
