he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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