just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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