True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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