Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize