Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
