well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
