dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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