Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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