need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
