You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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