we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you never un-have a 4some
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize