Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
