you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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