Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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