I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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