Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
