Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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