I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
