I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
