We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
