my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
