after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
