nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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