so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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