Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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