"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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