I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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