this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I cockslap morals
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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