what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
