after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize