I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
