I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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