from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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