SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
