WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
