I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
