I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
