It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
