I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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