I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
