hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She needs sedatives and a leash
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
