Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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