Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
