No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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