You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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