if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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