why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
