Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
