i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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